Catullus' Poems are Worse than his Bite

On the issue of Marrucinus...

2007-11-15T18:56:00.000-05:00

What is an employer's most villainous enemy? It's employees.
Why do I say so? We steal from work. Or, at least a majority of us do.

As Vault reports, 60% of employees have admitted to stealing little things such as post-its and tape from work; 2% of those people admitted stealing more ostentatious (and less inconspicable) things such as furniture, computers, and printers. As one man puports, he has always seen the amount of missing items lost go up when it was around back-to-school time.

Some graphs and statistics:

This small-scale stealing is relatable to the stealing of Marrucinus in the house of Catullus. After being invited to his house and cracking a few jokes, he "tollis lintea neglegentiorum" (Catullus 12, Line 3: "lift the napkins of the careless"), as in... plainly put, he stole them. Catullus describes this act as "sordida" (dirty) and "invenusta" (uncharming). I would assume Marrucinus did this just for the same reason employees steal from the stockrooms of their employers: they think they won't get caught and, besides, the things stolen are of little monetary value! However, Catullus overlooks this "price tag" and states that these napkins are of emotional value; they were a gift to him brought by Fabullus and Veranius from Spain. Of course, he demands them back.

As the last graph represents, none who admitted to stealing from work were actually caught.

But what are the consequences?

For Catullus, the price of stealing is the capital punishment of getting three hundred nasty verses shot at the stealer.
For real, modern life, the costs of being caught can be the same as being caught for shop-lifting.

Oh, Happy Day.

On the issue of Suffenus...

2007-10-15T20:41:00.000-04:00

As we all know, Catullus hates Suffenus for his bad writing, making a bad name for all writers alike. This relationship is similar to, of course, Dr. Gregory House of the FOX series, House M.D.

First, let's get acquainted with the contenders:
HOUSE
Dr. Gregory House- Professional Diagnostician, who doesn't wear a lab coat
Dr. Lisa Cuddy- Hospital Administrator
Dr. James Wilson- Oncologist/House's Friend
Mr. Vogler- A contributor of seven million dollars to the hospital
POEM 22
Catullus- Our poem's author
Suffenus- A rich person who thinks he can write but really can't

In earlier episodes of House M.D., Mr. Vogler stepped into the hospital ready to donate seven mllion dollars to the hospital; all that the hospital has to do in return is make Vogler the Head of the Hospital. Because the hospital has suffered money loss (especially from House's branch of the hospital), the hospital's administrator, Cuddy, is forced to comply with Vogler's demands.

Once Vogler was accepted into the hospital, he gains a dislike for House, and vice versa. Vogler constantly demands that House does his every whim, even forcing him to put on his lab coat. House looks down on Vogler and his commands, thinking that he is a bad omen for the hospital, using his money to gain respect in a field that he has no experience in.

Vogler versus House is like Suffenus versus Catullus. As Suffenus cranks out one horrible poem after another, or as Catullus states, "longe plurimos facit versus," he becomes more ignorant with the quality of the verses he produced, blinded by his money and his purchasing power to buy many luxuries that other poets can't afford. Catullus despises Suffenus for his ignorance and looks down on him.

However, as Catullus states in the very last line of poem 22, "sed non videmus manticae quod tergo est," (But we do not see our own packs on our backs), at the sight of Suffenus' terrible writing, Catullus is forced to look at himself and his flaws. This is also comparable to the relationship between Vogler and House. Once Vogler was dismissed from the hospital, House saw the intelligence behind Vogler's demands; he even put on his lab coat for one day on the job.

Theme of this Blog

2007-09-04T20:29:00.001-04:00

This blog will be about the enemies of Catullus. (muahahahahahaa...)

And... of course, how his relationships with others are comparable to modern-day relationships in the... celebrity world (including celebrities, pop icons, random people on reality t.v. shows, political figures; basically anyone of some importance who shows up on the television).

Varius, Marrucinus, Cornellius; Barack, Edwards, Clinton... watch out for the WRATH of Catullus!

POEMS! ATTACK!